This is an unofficial translation of the short story 星降りの夜とさみしいふたり found in the compendium Violet Evergarden's Last Letter (ヴァイオレット・エヴァーガーデン
～ラスト・レター～) (the compendium brings together the eight short stories given
out as booklets for the movies together with the one that was included
in the DVD/Blu-ray of Violet Evergarden: Eternity and the Auto Memory Doll). I am sharing my translation so that fans who do not understand Japanese can read it.
Note:
The rights to the original work belong to the author Akatsuki Kana and
Kyoto Animation. While this unofficial translation is being shared under
fair use, I will remove it if it comes to my knowledge that this
translation is being misused or if there is any infringement of the
copyright owners' rights.
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The Starry Night and the Lonely Two
by Akatsuki Kana 星降りの夜とさみしいふたり
暁 佳奈--------------------------------------------
Please erase loneliness from the world, even if but for a moment.
---
“The Starry Night and the Lonely Two”
---
Letters bring joy to those who receive them.
To know that someone has spent time to choose words for you. Pondering over what paper or envelope to use. And taking the time to post the letter. This is something special in itself.
This special something is delivered to our house, hers and mine, almost every day.
An envelope bearing the wax seal of an austere royal family. Beautiful and intricate paper that was probably chosen especially for the recipient. Even letters from a child who has only recently learned to write.
“This is from Lady Charlotte of Flugel. I had the opportunity to write love letters on her behalf before.”
“So I have heard. She’s royalty, right?”
“Yes, she is now a queen.”
“You have some amazing friends.”
Most of these letters were for her, who lives with me now.
“This is a letter from the novelist Mister Oscar Webster about his new work.”
“That’s good news. I like his books too.”
“It seems the work has been made into a play and tickets are enclosed. There is a ticket for you too, Major.”
“That’s nice of him. Shall we go watch it?”
“I shall write a reply to him in our names.”
The senders also span a wide range of ages and both genders.
“Taylor... her handwriting has improved.”
“Yes, even the address is properly written. There is someone else from the Bartlett family, right? The friend who exchanges letters with you... no, that’s York.”
“That’s right. We always write to each other at the changing of the seasons.”
It is a rare day that we do not receive a letter. It is proof that she has shared amazing time with different people in her life so far. I am a bit envious, but I am more proud of her. I can feel that my beloved is loved by many people.
“Major, I will be writing a reply in my room.”
“Sure, go ahead, take your time.”
That is basically how I feel.
“...”
Still, I kind of want to know more about the people who frequently exchange letters with her, and as a person of few expressions, when she spots a happy look on her face while reading a letter, I wonder what kind of relationship she has with the writer. I try not to disturb her when she is writing a letter, so all I do is stare at the closed door while praying that she finishes her letter quickly.
In other words, I was somewhat jealous of those letters.
There were many twists and turns before we reunited. And it took a while before we came to live together under one roof like now. There is a long period of time when we did not know what each other was doing.
And the reason for those twists and turns was because I decided to keep my distance from her due to my feelings for her. Therefore, I can’t inquire too much into her friendships. I am not that shameless.
Thus, one day, at the end of summer, I couldn’t say anything when a letter arrived from a young explorer.
“It is a letter from Mister Leon Stephanotis of Eustitia.”
The writer of the letter, from a place where the famous Shaher observatory is located, was one of her former clients. It was also his influence that she would occasionally look up at the sky and speak the names of stars.
“He wrote about his adventures on the road and some stories about the stars. He used to work at the Shaher observatory, but now, he travels around searching for old texts.”
“That sounds interesting. What kind of a person is he?”
“He is a gentle person.”
“Gentle...”
“Someone who asks if you are feeling cold when gazing at the night sky. That kind of person.”
The two of them probably shared such a wonderful moment together. She treasured this memory. For someone who rarely feels something is “enjoyable,” this must had been an especially enjoyable moment in her life.
“I see... so he is an amazing person.”
“Yes, he has vast knowledge about the stars. Eustitia is also a wonderful place, and I hope to show you around there someday. Are you interested in gazing at the stars?”
“Well, I do know the names of a few stars. But then, only the really well-known ones.”
When I said so, a smile crept across her face.
She held the letter close to her heart as she said, “So you are also interested in stars.”
“Do you like stars?”
“Yes, because the sky has no end.”
“Oh, is that so?”
She probably didn’t understand what I was saying, so I just nodded my head. Well, she often told me the names of the stars when we walked together under the night sky.
Again, I learned something new about what she likes.
My beloved likes stars.
“You and I are interested in the same area. I am indeed honored.”
Looking at her smile, that tiny spark of jealousy within me disappeared. She is happy. That is good.
“It is my honor too. By the way, you always report to me each time you receive a letter. If there is anything you want to keep secret from me, that is fine too.”
“There is nothing I want to keep secret from you, Major.”
“I see...”
I felt like I had made her say this. But she does not lie, so it must be true. I was overjoyed, and at the same time, I told myself that I must be honest with her.
“I report each time because... I hope to share with you as much as I can about everything that I have seen and felt, and the memories I had with the people I have met.”
Hearing her words struck me with nothing but surprise. I had thought that she kept reporting because of a habit from her time in the military. But she was trying to share her memories with me.
“I am also interested in knowing where you have been, who you have met, what you have felt, and the stories you have seen. Thank you for trying to share them with me.”
She nodded repeatedly. Nodding her head is something unchanged from the past. But trying to convey her feelings and experiences to another person is something unthinkable in the past. She was a child who would not speak a word if you left her alone. Even when she was hungry, and never a word of pain even when injured.
She was a girl soldier who would just go about processing what was in front of her mechanically.
“Does it upset you?”
No longer a girl soldier, she looked inquiringly at me.
Unconsciously, I reached out.
“No, no way. I’m so glad. So that was why you have been sharing your letters. I see.”
I patted her head, and let her hair run through my fingers. Hair like golden waves.
“Is it... wrong for me... to feel like this?”
Patting the head of a grown-up lady may be treating her too much like a child, but it is something that I can’t help doing. It was something that I couldn’t do when she was like a wounded beast. We are adults now, but we still try to fill the holes in our hearts with something. And we each hope that the other would permit us to do so.
“No, not at all.”
Being permitted makes one feel relieved. It is like being told, it is still okay to be beside this person. It may be exaggerating, but this is the effect of having the affirmation of someone you love.
“Please continue to do so. I will do the same. Oh, you have a letter set printed with stars, right?”
“Yes.”
“How about writing your reply on that? Someone from Shaher would probably be happy to receive such a letter.”
Her golden eyelashes fluttered, and her blue eyes lit up.
“That is a great idea. I think it will make him happy. Thank you, Major.”
“No problem. I should be thanking you for sharing that wonderful letter.”
At that time, her purity cleansed away my jealousy. This ugly jealousy, an unfounded one for a male explorer whom I have never met before, was swept away before I could show it.
But my worries did not end there. After that, I saw her reading that letter from Leon again several times. At first, I did not think much about it. I assumed she was just thinking about how to reply. The second time, I thought that letter must have been really well written. But when I saw her reading that letter a third time, I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you reading that letter again?”
Maybe my mixed feelings were showing, but she pondered for a while, before answering, as if choosing her words, “Yes, I want to read it until I have memorized it.”
This only befuddled me even more.
“Until you have memorized it?”
“Yes, until I have memorized it.”
Is there really such a way of reading letters? Well, ever since our reunion, I have read her letters until I have memorized them. Does she have that same feeling and passion for the letter from Leon Stephanotis? What did he write? My curiosity was aroused. She said it was about his adventures and the stars. Maybe he included a nice poem? But she did not look like she was struck by a beautiful work of art.
“...”
She looked more like she was studying. I spent the next few days baffled as she remained spellbound by the letter.
The answer to the puzzle came earlier than I thought. Early one morning, my beloved, with baggage in hand as if she was going to climb a mountain, asked, “Major, can I have permission to go out tonight. I hope to observe a comet.”
I thought she was going on a road march at first.
“... Comet?”
I had just woken up and my brain was still half asleep, because I did not sleep well the previous night after seeing her read that letter from Leon right until we went to bed. Why was she reading it right until before bedtime? And why bring in into our bedroom?
“Yes, Master Leon said that the comet can be seen tonight if the sky is clear. He even went into details about what kind of place to look for and what things to bring.”
She replied with slight excitement, without knowing my actual feelings. There was a bit more energy in her voice than usual.
“...”
There was no need to seek my permission, but still, she asked again, “Can I go?”
I finally understood the situation.
“So, you were... making plans to see this comet?”
She had been studying. Learning the teachings of someone whom she respected as a scholar of the stars.
“Yes. Fortunately, the sky is clear today, and if this continues into the night, the comet should be visible to the naked eye. I have made the necessary preparations too.”
So that was what the heavy baggage in her arms was. I was so ashamed of myself that I covered my face with my hands.
“Major?”
“Of course, feel free to do what you want.”
“Thank you, Major!”
There was a spring in her voice. She had been making preparations all this while hoping to see the comet. Such a pure person. What I fool I was. I was jealous over something totally unfounded.
“You are only leaving tonight, right? Why not put down the baggage for now?”
“Roger, Major.”
I kept apologizing to Leon in my heart. Their relationship was a healthy one, and I should not have suspected anything. If he writes again, I should send back some good wine.
“Major, you look a bit red in the face. Are you alright?”
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“Oh no, you feel a bit hot.”
No, my beloved. You got it wrong.
My face was still flushed, but I decided to face her. I took my hands off my face. I wanted to help her as much as I could, so I said, “I’m fine. Instead of worrying about me, I don’t think we have a telescope in the house. We should go to town to get one.”
She shook her head. “No, telescopes are expensive.”
“It’s not something we get to see often, right?”
“The comet this time is called Comet Finn. It appears once every twelve years.”
“Twelve years...”
If she and I are both healthy, maybe we will get to see it again. For this, we have to leave it to Fate.
“I still think we should get a telescope. Can I accompany you on this little adventure?”
“...” She did not immediately shake her head at this request.
“I feel bad for taking away your precious time for my own personal matter. But if you are interested, I would be honored.”
It looked like she wanted to go with me.
“There is nothing more precious than my time with you. I should pack my things too...”
“... Actually, I packed for two.”
“I see. That really helps.”
“...”
“What’s wrong?”
“I had... hoped that you would agree to come along from the start.”
She hung down her head. Her white skin and rosy cheeks turned vermillion.
“Everything’s fine now because you quickly agreed.”
For once, she looked embarrassed.
“I feel so embarrassed for getting ahead of myself.”
“There is nothing to feel embarrassed about.”
“No, I am a fool. And I had been depending too much on your kindness. It is something I need to reflect on.”
“There is nothing to reflect on. I am more than happy. And you must really want to see this comet, right?”
“Yes. I saw my first comet under the guidance of Master Leon, and I wanted to see one again if there is another opportunity.”
“That’s nice. I am glad you want to see this comet with me.”
I gave her a smile.
“...”
Now, she was the one to cover her face with her hands. Her prosthetic arms let out a creak. I patted her head and waited until her face was no longer flushed.
Finally, she took her hands off her face and said, “Now that things have turned out this way, I will escort you to your satisfaction.”
I whispered to let her know that it was my role to escort her at night.
In the end, we went to town and got a telescope, which we found sitting in a back corner of the store covered in dust.
We spent the rest of the day under a clear sky, as if Heaven had heard her wish. Eventually, dusk came and went, and the sky was fully dark. We left the house at a time when we would usually be getting ready for bed. With such clear skies, we could have seen the comet from home, but Leon’s letter had recommended to look for a place without obstacles, and so, we headed out to the nearby hill.
When I thought about it, this was probably the first time we went out together at night like this. Excited beyond my age, heading to observe a comet. I was thrilled and felt like a youth once again. She was also walking with a spring to her steps.
“Major, please let me carry the stuff.”
“No, I will carry them.”
“I am not carrying anything.”
I took everything and walked off, leaving her disappointed. The stars were shining brightly when I looked up at the night sky.
I stuck out my hand and said, “Well, how about you hold onto my free hand and take the lead, since you were the one who decided on the place.”
“Won’t that mean you are the one losing out, while I am the one with all the delight?”
“Well, holding your hand while walking about is a delight for me. There is nothing to lose. Carrying things for someone I love is bliss. I can’t do this if you weren’t around.”
She looked like she had an idea as she took my hand.
“Roger. It is dangerous to walk at night. I will make sure you do not trip.”
“Yes, thank you, please do so.”
In the end, I was the one being escorted. But at least she let me carry the things. She was such a meticulous person that she would treat me like a princess if I let her. She would do everything on her own if I am not assertive enough. My emotions overwhelmed me as I could not help but recall her past.
She became someone who could do everything on her own.
And I was the one who made it so.
But we are now together. Because I wanted it to be so. I am a fool.
Walking along, I squeezed her hand, which lacked any warmth.
I cannot imagine letting go of this hand ever again.
When we reached the small hill, there were other groups of people with telescopes. As it was night, we greeted each other without words.
“Major, can you please put the mat here and sit down? While it is not cold, I have prepared a blanket as there is some wind.”
“Sure. Come over here.”
“Over there?”
After she sat down, I sat down behind her as if shielding her from the wind. Up close to each other.
“You can lean on me if your neck gets tired.”
“...”
“No. Just lean on me now.”
I pulled her shoulders back, and she laid her head on my chest awkwardly.
“Treating my master like a chair... and leaning on him...”
“I am no longer your master, and it is Nature’s law for someone with a bigger body to protect someone with a smaller one.”
“Nature’s law?”
“Yes, Nature’s law.”
She didn’t look convinced, but it seemed the words “Nature’s law” had some effect. There is always some bestial part left in her, and using Nature when negotiating with her helps.
“If it is Nature’s law, can I indulge in your kindness?”
I unconsciously patted her head. It was easy to pat her head in this posture.
“Please do so me even if there is no law or reason.”
Hearing my reply, she put more of her weight onto me. I smiled. We would be too embarrassed to do this in front of others during the day. But it was night. She couldn’t see my red face. Thank God it was night.
“It’s a strange feeling,” I whispered while looking at the night sky. “I wonder if Leon, who told you about the comet, is also looking at this same sky tonight.”
“Yes, he is probably observing it from some big observatory.”
In the dark, I turned around to look at vaguely where the other groups of people were.
“It’s the same with them. We are all brought together today because of the comet. We all lead different lives, and it is a strange feeling that we are all looking at the sky now for the same purpose.”
Maybe it can be said to be some sort of strange camaraderie.
In the dark night, the moonlight lit up her smile.
“Yes, because the sky has no end.”
“You said this before...” I remembered hearing her say this.
“Yes. No matter where we are, the sky has no end. Before I met you again, even though we could not spend the seasons together, there were times when I thought, we are probably looking at the same night sky. I came to think like this because Master Leon taught me about observing the heavenly bodies.”
“...”
“Maybe someone you know is also looking at the sky now.”
“Well, my brother is not likely to be doing so.”
“Is that so? He often looked up at the sky while onboard ship.”
“Really?”
“Yes, he is a person who likes beautiful things.”
We rambled on while waiting for Comet Finn to make its appearance.
“Maybe the people who wrote to you are also looking at the night sky.”
And probably imagining how this person, whom they have encountered only once, was spending this night.
“Yes, maybe.”
The princess who married to a faraway forest kingdom.
The novelist living alone while trying to make a name for himself.
The pair of sisters who used to live together.
“Yes, Major, maybe they are looking at the night sky too.”
Under the same starry sky.
“It seems that they... call this romantic.”
It seemed Leon was really a good teacher. I am truly jealous.
“Major...”
“Yes?”
She was looking up at the sky, but now, she was looking at me. In the darkness, her blue eyes shone brightly.
“I am now with you. Just the two of us.”
I had been afraid of those eyes when we first met.
“Yes...”
“But sometimes, I suddenly feel lonely. More lonely than when I am alone.”
I was afraid of her, that young girl. I knew she was brought up in a chaotic world, and I understood that she could easily tear me apart if she wanted.
“Even though you are right beside me, sharing your warmth with me... I suddenly feel lonely.”
But I never let go. Even as I heard her footsteps chasing after me, her breathing as she gasps for air, I thought, even if she kills me someday, it is fine, I just want to create a place for her and protect her.
“And I tried to think about the reason.”
As time passed, I came to curse myself. We were together because we were using each other to make up for what we lack. It was twisted, it was wrong. No matter how important she was to me, how much I cherished her, it was wrong to put my feelings into words.
Because I was the one who set this relationship in place.
“The time apart... it was really painful for me.”
It was better to be apart. Forever.
“When I tried to fill that hole, this loneliness would die down a bit.”
Maybe I am wrong now too. But she is here beside me. Even if others say this is wrong, she and I will not give up.
We will be together until we die.
“But now, Major, I am not really lonely.”
This may be a strange relationship. Maybe, we would each lead very different lives on our own.
“If we keep spending time together like this, will there be a day when the loneliness disappears?”
But if I were to choose again, I would make the same choice.
“Violet.”
Life has no meaning without you.
“... I think it is difficult for such a day to come,” I whispered. Oh, what a mean thing to say to my flower.
“We are, after all, lonely people.”
She gave me a puzzled look, and repeated my words.
“Lonely people...” she whispered, as if trying to digest those words.
As she said the word “lonely,” she seemed to freeze. I hugged her to warm her up.
In my arms, she said, “Is it just you and me?”
“No...”
If there were only you and I in this world, there would be no worries.
“It’s everyone. Especially if you are with the one you love. You feel lonely even though you are happy. It’s really strange.”
“Does love make one feel lonely?”
“Yes. But with you by my side like this, I feel less lonely.”
“But the loneliness does not go away... Do you feel lonely too when you are with me?”
“Yes.”
Yes, Violet, I always feel lonely.
Because I love you, I feel lonely with your every action. But I think this is what they call love.
“Then the two of us will always be lonely together.”
I laughed at Violet’s words. She is such a positive person.
“Yes. I guess even when I am an old, wrinkled man, I will continue to feel lonely because of you.”
“I will do something about it.”
“How?”
“Whatever you want me to do...”
I pressed my forehead against hers.
She knew what I wanted to do.
“... Sorry... I am still not used to this...”
She brought her face closer even though there was a shy look on her face.
The comet will soon appear.
But before that, I think we are allowed this little bit.
So, my beloved.
For now, don’t look at the stars.
Even though we may not see this rare comet in twelve years’ time, for now, look only at me.
Emotions welled up in me.
Ah, Violet. It’s true. I do feel lonely.
But if I can be with you, I don’t mind feeling lonely.
“Major... do you feel less lonely now?”
Even though you are now my flower, mine alone, I still feel lonely.
“No, it’s not enough.”
Even when I imagine the future, even when I think about the past, even now, I feel pain because I love you.
“But the comet...”
“The comet will wait.”
“It won’t wait.”
“It will wait. Just one more time.”
Please. Help me erase this pain.
Please, just close your eyes for now, Violet.
I want to erase our loneliness.
---
“The Starry Night and the Lonely Two”
---
Letters bring joy to those who receive them.
To know that someone has spent time to choose words for you. Pondering over what paper or envelope to use. And taking the time to post the letter. This is something special in itself.
This special something is delivered to our house, hers and mine, almost every day.
An envelope bearing the wax seal of an austere royal family. Beautiful and intricate paper that was probably chosen especially for the recipient. Even letters from a child who has only recently learned to write.
“This is from Lady Charlotte of Flugel. I had the opportunity to write love letters on her behalf before.”
“So I have heard. She’s royalty, right?”
“Yes, she is now a queen.”
“You have some amazing friends.”
Most of these letters were for her, who lives with me now.
“This is a letter from the novelist Mister Oscar Webster about his new work.”
“That’s good news. I like his books too.”
“It seems the work has been made into a play and tickets are enclosed. There is a ticket for you too, Major.”
“That’s nice of him. Shall we go watch it?”
“I shall write a reply to him in our names.”
The senders also span a wide range of ages and both genders.
“Taylor... her handwriting has improved.”
“Yes, even the address is properly written. There is someone else from the Bartlett family, right? The friend who exchanges letters with you... no, that’s York.”
“That’s right. We always write to each other at the changing of the seasons.”
It is a rare day that we do not receive a letter. It is proof that she has shared amazing time with different people in her life so far. I am a bit envious, but I am more proud of her. I can feel that my beloved is loved by many people.
“Major, I will be writing a reply in my room.”
“Sure, go ahead, take your time.”
That is basically how I feel.
“...”
Still, I kind of want to know more about the people who frequently exchange letters with her, and as a person of few expressions, when she spots a happy look on her face while reading a letter, I wonder what kind of relationship she has with the writer. I try not to disturb her when she is writing a letter, so all I do is stare at the closed door while praying that she finishes her letter quickly.
In other words, I was somewhat jealous of those letters.
There were many twists and turns before we reunited. And it took a while before we came to live together under one roof like now. There is a long period of time when we did not know what each other was doing.
And the reason for those twists and turns was because I decided to keep my distance from her due to my feelings for her. Therefore, I can’t inquire too much into her friendships. I am not that shameless.
Thus, one day, at the end of summer, I couldn’t say anything when a letter arrived from a young explorer.
“It is a letter from Mister Leon Stephanotis of Eustitia.”
The writer of the letter, from a place where the famous Shaher observatory is located, was one of her former clients. It was also his influence that she would occasionally look up at the sky and speak the names of stars.
“He wrote about his adventures on the road and some stories about the stars. He used to work at the Shaher observatory, but now, he travels around searching for old texts.”
“That sounds interesting. What kind of a person is he?”
“He is a gentle person.”
“Gentle...”
“Someone who asks if you are feeling cold when gazing at the night sky. That kind of person.”
The two of them probably shared such a wonderful moment together. She treasured this memory. For someone who rarely feels something is “enjoyable,” this must had been an especially enjoyable moment in her life.
“I see... so he is an amazing person.”
“Yes, he has vast knowledge about the stars. Eustitia is also a wonderful place, and I hope to show you around there someday. Are you interested in gazing at the stars?”
“Well, I do know the names of a few stars. But then, only the really well-known ones.”
When I said so, a smile crept across her face.
She held the letter close to her heart as she said, “So you are also interested in stars.”
“Do you like stars?”
“Yes, because the sky has no end.”
“Oh, is that so?”
She probably didn’t understand what I was saying, so I just nodded my head. Well, she often told me the names of the stars when we walked together under the night sky.
Again, I learned something new about what she likes.
My beloved likes stars.
“You and I are interested in the same area. I am indeed honored.”
Looking at her smile, that tiny spark of jealousy within me disappeared. She is happy. That is good.
“It is my honor too. By the way, you always report to me each time you receive a letter. If there is anything you want to keep secret from me, that is fine too.”
“There is nothing I want to keep secret from you, Major.”
“I see...”
I felt like I had made her say this. But she does not lie, so it must be true. I was overjoyed, and at the same time, I told myself that I must be honest with her.
“I report each time because... I hope to share with you as much as I can about everything that I have seen and felt, and the memories I had with the people I have met.”
Hearing her words struck me with nothing but surprise. I had thought that she kept reporting because of a habit from her time in the military. But she was trying to share her memories with me.
“I am also interested in knowing where you have been, who you have met, what you have felt, and the stories you have seen. Thank you for trying to share them with me.”
She nodded repeatedly. Nodding her head is something unchanged from the past. But trying to convey her feelings and experiences to another person is something unthinkable in the past. She was a child who would not speak a word if you left her alone. Even when she was hungry, and never a word of pain even when injured.
She was a girl soldier who would just go about processing what was in front of her mechanically.
“Does it upset you?”
No longer a girl soldier, she looked inquiringly at me.
Unconsciously, I reached out.
“No, no way. I’m so glad. So that was why you have been sharing your letters. I see.”
I patted her head, and let her hair run through my fingers. Hair like golden waves.
“Is it... wrong for me... to feel like this?”
Patting the head of a grown-up lady may be treating her too much like a child, but it is something that I can’t help doing. It was something that I couldn’t do when she was like a wounded beast. We are adults now, but we still try to fill the holes in our hearts with something. And we each hope that the other would permit us to do so.
“No, not at all.”
Being permitted makes one feel relieved. It is like being told, it is still okay to be beside this person. It may be exaggerating, but this is the effect of having the affirmation of someone you love.
“Please continue to do so. I will do the same. Oh, you have a letter set printed with stars, right?”
“Yes.”
“How about writing your reply on that? Someone from Shaher would probably be happy to receive such a letter.”
Her golden eyelashes fluttered, and her blue eyes lit up.
“That is a great idea. I think it will make him happy. Thank you, Major.”
“No problem. I should be thanking you for sharing that wonderful letter.”
At that time, her purity cleansed away my jealousy. This ugly jealousy, an unfounded one for a male explorer whom I have never met before, was swept away before I could show it.
But my worries did not end there. After that, I saw her reading that letter from Leon again several times. At first, I did not think much about it. I assumed she was just thinking about how to reply. The second time, I thought that letter must have been really well written. But when I saw her reading that letter a third time, I couldn’t help but ask, “Are you reading that letter again?”
Maybe my mixed feelings were showing, but she pondered for a while, before answering, as if choosing her words, “Yes, I want to read it until I have memorized it.”
This only befuddled me even more.
“Until you have memorized it?”
“Yes, until I have memorized it.”
Is there really such a way of reading letters? Well, ever since our reunion, I have read her letters until I have memorized them. Does she have that same feeling and passion for the letter from Leon Stephanotis? What did he write? My curiosity was aroused. She said it was about his adventures and the stars. Maybe he included a nice poem? But she did not look like she was struck by a beautiful work of art.
“...”
She looked more like she was studying. I spent the next few days baffled as she remained spellbound by the letter.
The answer to the puzzle came earlier than I thought. Early one morning, my beloved, with baggage in hand as if she was going to climb a mountain, asked, “Major, can I have permission to go out tonight. I hope to observe a comet.”
I thought she was going on a road march at first.
“... Comet?”
I had just woken up and my brain was still half asleep, because I did not sleep well the previous night after seeing her read that letter from Leon right until we went to bed. Why was she reading it right until before bedtime? And why bring in into our bedroom?
“Yes, Master Leon said that the comet can be seen tonight if the sky is clear. He even went into details about what kind of place to look for and what things to bring.”
She replied with slight excitement, without knowing my actual feelings. There was a bit more energy in her voice than usual.
“...”
There was no need to seek my permission, but still, she asked again, “Can I go?”
I finally understood the situation.
“So, you were... making plans to see this comet?”
She had been studying. Learning the teachings of someone whom she respected as a scholar of the stars.
“Yes. Fortunately, the sky is clear today, and if this continues into the night, the comet should be visible to the naked eye. I have made the necessary preparations too.”
So that was what the heavy baggage in her arms was. I was so ashamed of myself that I covered my face with my hands.
“Major?”
“Of course, feel free to do what you want.”
“Thank you, Major!”
There was a spring in her voice. She had been making preparations all this while hoping to see the comet. Such a pure person. What I fool I was. I was jealous over something totally unfounded.
“You are only leaving tonight, right? Why not put down the baggage for now?”
“Roger, Major.”
I kept apologizing to Leon in my heart. Their relationship was a healthy one, and I should not have suspected anything. If he writes again, I should send back some good wine.
“Major, you look a bit red in the face. Are you alright?”
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“Oh no, you feel a bit hot.”
No, my beloved. You got it wrong.
My face was still flushed, but I decided to face her. I took my hands off my face. I wanted to help her as much as I could, so I said, “I’m fine. Instead of worrying about me, I don’t think we have a telescope in the house. We should go to town to get one.”
She shook her head. “No, telescopes are expensive.”
“It’s not something we get to see often, right?”
“The comet this time is called Comet Finn. It appears once every twelve years.”
“Twelve years...”
If she and I are both healthy, maybe we will get to see it again. For this, we have to leave it to Fate.
“I still think we should get a telescope. Can I accompany you on this little adventure?”
“...” She did not immediately shake her head at this request.
“I feel bad for taking away your precious time for my own personal matter. But if you are interested, I would be honored.”
It looked like she wanted to go with me.
“There is nothing more precious than my time with you. I should pack my things too...”
“... Actually, I packed for two.”
“I see. That really helps.”
“...”
“What’s wrong?”
“I had... hoped that you would agree to come along from the start.”
She hung down her head. Her white skin and rosy cheeks turned vermillion.
“Everything’s fine now because you quickly agreed.”
For once, she looked embarrassed.
“I feel so embarrassed for getting ahead of myself.”
“There is nothing to feel embarrassed about.”
“No, I am a fool. And I had been depending too much on your kindness. It is something I need to reflect on.”
“There is nothing to reflect on. I am more than happy. And you must really want to see this comet, right?”
“Yes. I saw my first comet under the guidance of Master Leon, and I wanted to see one again if there is another opportunity.”
“That’s nice. I am glad you want to see this comet with me.”
I gave her a smile.
“...”
Now, she was the one to cover her face with her hands. Her prosthetic arms let out a creak. I patted her head and waited until her face was no longer flushed.
Finally, she took her hands off her face and said, “Now that things have turned out this way, I will escort you to your satisfaction.”
I whispered to let her know that it was my role to escort her at night.
In the end, we went to town and got a telescope, which we found sitting in a back corner of the store covered in dust.
We spent the rest of the day under a clear sky, as if Heaven had heard her wish. Eventually, dusk came and went, and the sky was fully dark. We left the house at a time when we would usually be getting ready for bed. With such clear skies, we could have seen the comet from home, but Leon’s letter had recommended to look for a place without obstacles, and so, we headed out to the nearby hill.
When I thought about it, this was probably the first time we went out together at night like this. Excited beyond my age, heading to observe a comet. I was thrilled and felt like a youth once again. She was also walking with a spring to her steps.
“Major, please let me carry the stuff.”
“No, I will carry them.”
“I am not carrying anything.”
I took everything and walked off, leaving her disappointed. The stars were shining brightly when I looked up at the night sky.
I stuck out my hand and said, “Well, how about you hold onto my free hand and take the lead, since you were the one who decided on the place.”
“Won’t that mean you are the one losing out, while I am the one with all the delight?”
“Well, holding your hand while walking about is a delight for me. There is nothing to lose. Carrying things for someone I love is bliss. I can’t do this if you weren’t around.”
She looked like she had an idea as she took my hand.
“Roger. It is dangerous to walk at night. I will make sure you do not trip.”
“Yes, thank you, please do so.”
In the end, I was the one being escorted. But at least she let me carry the things. She was such a meticulous person that she would treat me like a princess if I let her. She would do everything on her own if I am not assertive enough. My emotions overwhelmed me as I could not help but recall her past.
She became someone who could do everything on her own.
And I was the one who made it so.
But we are now together. Because I wanted it to be so. I am a fool.
Walking along, I squeezed her hand, which lacked any warmth.
I cannot imagine letting go of this hand ever again.
When we reached the small hill, there were other groups of people with telescopes. As it was night, we greeted each other without words.
“Major, can you please put the mat here and sit down? While it is not cold, I have prepared a blanket as there is some wind.”
“Sure. Come over here.”
“Over there?”
After she sat down, I sat down behind her as if shielding her from the wind. Up close to each other.
“You can lean on me if your neck gets tired.”
“...”
“No. Just lean on me now.”
I pulled her shoulders back, and she laid her head on my chest awkwardly.
“Treating my master like a chair... and leaning on him...”
“I am no longer your master, and it is Nature’s law for someone with a bigger body to protect someone with a smaller one.”
“Nature’s law?”
“Yes, Nature’s law.”
She didn’t look convinced, but it seemed the words “Nature’s law” had some effect. There is always some bestial part left in her, and using Nature when negotiating with her helps.
“If it is Nature’s law, can I indulge in your kindness?”
I unconsciously patted her head. It was easy to pat her head in this posture.
“Please do so me even if there is no law or reason.”
Hearing my reply, she put more of her weight onto me. I smiled. We would be too embarrassed to do this in front of others during the day. But it was night. She couldn’t see my red face. Thank God it was night.
“It’s a strange feeling,” I whispered while looking at the night sky. “I wonder if Leon, who told you about the comet, is also looking at this same sky tonight.”
“Yes, he is probably observing it from some big observatory.”
In the dark, I turned around to look at vaguely where the other groups of people were.
“It’s the same with them. We are all brought together today because of the comet. We all lead different lives, and it is a strange feeling that we are all looking at the sky now for the same purpose.”
Maybe it can be said to be some sort of strange camaraderie.
In the dark night, the moonlight lit up her smile.
“Yes, because the sky has no end.”
“You said this before...” I remembered hearing her say this.
“Yes. No matter where we are, the sky has no end. Before I met you again, even though we could not spend the seasons together, there were times when I thought, we are probably looking at the same night sky. I came to think like this because Master Leon taught me about observing the heavenly bodies.”
“...”
“Maybe someone you know is also looking at the sky now.”
“Well, my brother is not likely to be doing so.”
“Is that so? He often looked up at the sky while onboard ship.”
“Really?”
“Yes, he is a person who likes beautiful things.”
We rambled on while waiting for Comet Finn to make its appearance.
“Maybe the people who wrote to you are also looking at the night sky.”
And probably imagining how this person, whom they have encountered only once, was spending this night.
“Yes, maybe.”
The princess who married to a faraway forest kingdom.
The novelist living alone while trying to make a name for himself.
The pair of sisters who used to live together.
“Yes, Major, maybe they are looking at the night sky too.”
Under the same starry sky.
“It seems that they... call this romantic.”
It seemed Leon was really a good teacher. I am truly jealous.
“Major...”
“Yes?”
She was looking up at the sky, but now, she was looking at me. In the darkness, her blue eyes shone brightly.
“I am now with you. Just the two of us.”
I had been afraid of those eyes when we first met.
“Yes...”
“But sometimes, I suddenly feel lonely. More lonely than when I am alone.”
I was afraid of her, that young girl. I knew she was brought up in a chaotic world, and I understood that she could easily tear me apart if she wanted.
“Even though you are right beside me, sharing your warmth with me... I suddenly feel lonely.”
But I never let go. Even as I heard her footsteps chasing after me, her breathing as she gasps for air, I thought, even if she kills me someday, it is fine, I just want to create a place for her and protect her.
“And I tried to think about the reason.”
As time passed, I came to curse myself. We were together because we were using each other to make up for what we lack. It was twisted, it was wrong. No matter how important she was to me, how much I cherished her, it was wrong to put my feelings into words.
Because I was the one who set this relationship in place.
“The time apart... it was really painful for me.”
It was better to be apart. Forever.
“When I tried to fill that hole, this loneliness would die down a bit.”
Maybe I am wrong now too. But she is here beside me. Even if others say this is wrong, she and I will not give up.
We will be together until we die.
“But now, Major, I am not really lonely.”
This may be a strange relationship. Maybe, we would each lead very different lives on our own.
“If we keep spending time together like this, will there be a day when the loneliness disappears?”
But if I were to choose again, I would make the same choice.
“Violet.”
Life has no meaning without you.
“... I think it is difficult for such a day to come,” I whispered. Oh, what a mean thing to say to my flower.
“We are, after all, lonely people.”
She gave me a puzzled look, and repeated my words.
“Lonely people...” she whispered, as if trying to digest those words.
As she said the word “lonely,” she seemed to freeze. I hugged her to warm her up.
In my arms, she said, “Is it just you and me?”
“No...”
If there were only you and I in this world, there would be no worries.
“It’s everyone. Especially if you are with the one you love. You feel lonely even though you are happy. It’s really strange.”
“Does love make one feel lonely?”
“Yes. But with you by my side like this, I feel less lonely.”
“But the loneliness does not go away... Do you feel lonely too when you are with me?”
“Yes.”
Yes, Violet, I always feel lonely.
Because I love you, I feel lonely with your every action. But I think this is what they call love.
“Then the two of us will always be lonely together.”
I laughed at Violet’s words. She is such a positive person.
“Yes. I guess even when I am an old, wrinkled man, I will continue to feel lonely because of you.”
“I will do something about it.”
“How?”
“Whatever you want me to do...”
I pressed my forehead against hers.
She knew what I wanted to do.
“... Sorry... I am still not used to this...”
She brought her face closer even though there was a shy look on her face.
The comet will soon appear.
But before that, I think we are allowed this little bit.
So, my beloved.
For now, don’t look at the stars.
Even though we may not see this rare comet in twelve years’ time, for now, look only at me.
Emotions welled up in me.
Ah, Violet. It’s true. I do feel lonely.
But if I can be with you, I don’t mind feeling lonely.
“Major... do you feel less lonely now?”
Even though you are now my flower, mine alone, I still feel lonely.
“No, it’s not enough.”
Even when I imagine the future, even when I think about the past, even now, I feel pain because I love you.
“But the comet...”
“The comet will wait.”
“It won’t wait.”
“It will wait. Just one more time.”
Please. Help me erase this pain.
Please, just close your eyes for now, Violet.
I want to erase our loneliness.
--------------------------------------------
(Note: In the light novels, Gilbert, although he lost an arm, has been given a prosthetic arm in its place. Which is why in this story, even when carrying stuff, he still had a free hand for Violet to hold.)
This is a list of Violet Evergarden short stories
that have been written by author Akatsuki Kana, with links to fan
translations (when available). I hope you enjoyed these two short
stories as much as I did.
My overall thoughts on Violet Evergarden The Movie.
Events:
Translations of short stories:
The Tailor and the Auto-Memories Doll (unofficial translation of 仕立て屋と自動手記人形) Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream (unofficial translation of "ギルベルト・ブーゲンビリアと儚い夢")
Violet Evergarden short stories: "Logbook entry" and "Diary entry" (unofficial translation)
The Starry Night and the Lonely Two (unofficial translation of 星降りの夜とさみしいふたり)
Diethard Bougainvillea's If (unofficial translation of ディートフリート・ブーゲンビリアIf) Tellsis (Nunkish) translation:
Last line of Violet's final letter to GilbertInsights on the movie:
Audio commentary notes:
2 comments:
PS.Gilbert was very jealoussssssssssss..... XD
Will there be a sequel in the near future? Has the author of this story been informed? because I really want to read on
Thank you for the comment. This is an unofficial translation, so author Akatsuki Kana was not contacted. Anyway, the story is more or less concluded so it is unlikely there will be any major sequel in the future. Of course, when KyoAni starts to sell other stuff related to Violet Evergarden, they may again include a short story inside, but that is just speculation.
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