I used to write poems, some of which I have posted on this blog before. In fact, I used to write them quite often. But not now. It has been a while since I wrote poems, whether in English or Chinese. And recently, when I thought about it, I kind of understood the reason.
It is about physical media.
My poetry-writing days were back when I wrote them in a notebook. I always carried a notebook around, and when an idea came in, I would write it down. Pen and paper--raw ideas, raw thoughts. I also don't like to make my notebooks messy, so I would frame that spontaneous idea in my head and wrote it down. No crossing out. Which means not much editing; whatever editing took place in my head, in that short time.
But with things going digital now, I rarely note things down in my notebook. When I have an idea, I would try to note it down in a text file. The problem is that I can procrastinate as much as I want. I can edit as much as I want. I would look at what I wrote, think it can be better, try to edit it, try to perfect it. But it would never be perfect. And so, it would always remain unfinished. After a while, I would lose interest. The file would either reside in a folder, forgotten, or deleted.
When I wrote in notebooks, like it or hate it, whatever is written down has taken shape; it has been "published". Creating on physical media is immediate. When I started blogging, I took it as an extension of my physical diary; my blogs are my online digital diaries, and I tried to keep them raw and unedited. It is also why you often find grammar or spelling mistakes in my posts, because I rarely look through them before publishing them. If I don't catch a mistake while typing, it gets overlooked.
You can also see this pursuit of perfection in my calligraphy. Again, calligraphy is physical media; once you put the brush to the paper, the ink is absorbed, and that's it. No editing is allowed. But I always want to make it better. And so I keep writing the same thing again and again, trying to make it better. For a single work, I can use up many many sheets of paper.
Which is where calligraphy exhibitions come in. They help me to "publish" my works, because they have submission deadlines. Like it or not, I end up having to submit something by the deadline, even if I don't think it is perfect yet. Exhibitions force me to stop trying to rewrite for perfection, which is an impossible goal.
This endless pursuit of perfection can also be seen in how I
revisit phrases in my calligraphy. I would write something, then go back months or years later to pick up from where I left, to try to make it better. Simply because I want to create something better.
To me, creating on physical media is raw creative power. It captures the moment. A lot of things created on physical media may never be shared with others, but a work has been brought into this world nonetheless.
Maybe I should start writing poems on notebooks again...
