Calligraphy draft using poems mentioned in The Garden of Words 言の葉の庭

In The Garden of Words (言の葉の庭), two poems from Manyoshu were mentioned. I really like this movie, and always wanted to write my own pieces using these two poems. Finally, I got down to that.

鳴る神の 少し響みて さし曇り 雨も降らぬか きみを留めむ
なるかみの すこしとよみて さしくもり あめもふらぬか きみをとどめむ

雷神 小動 刺雲 雨零耶 君将留
A faint clap of thunder,
Clouds fill the sky,
Perhaps it will rain,
Will that keep you here?

 

鳴る神の 少し響みて 降らずとも 吾は留まらむ 妹し留めば
なるかみの すこしとよみて ふらずとも われはとまらん いもしとどめば

雷神 小動 雖不零 吾将留 妹留者

A faint clap of thunder,
Even if there is no rain,
I will stay here,
If you but ask.

 

I think the layout and overall size could be better if I spent a bit more time on them. I am definitely going to redo them. But for now, these would do.

 

I actually tried a draft using 半切 paper too. This would work if I put them side by side, aka on a piece of 全紙 paper, with the "question" poem higher and the "answer" poem lower.