This is an unofficial translation of the booklet Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream (ギルベルト・ブーゲンビリアと儚い夢) that was handed out as a souvenir for those who watched Violet Evergarden the Movie (2020). To me, it tells the final episode in the Violet Evergarden series, and I thought I would share my translation so that fans who do not understand Japanese can read it.
Note: The rights to the original work belong to the author Akatsuki Kana and Kyoto Animation. While this unofficial translation is being shared under fair use, I will remove it if it comes to my knowledge that this translation is being misused or if there is any infringement of the copyright owners' rights.
(You can find all my posts related to Violet Evergarden here, including my review of Violet Evergarden the Movie that debut in 2020 after watching it 12 times, my translation of the letter of appreciation from author Akatsuki Kana, my Tellsis language translator in Flutter and Python, my thoughts about the portrayal of guilt in Violet Evergarden, summary of production crew events, list of other Violet Evergarden short stories, etc.)
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Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream
by Akatsuki Kana
『ギルベルト・ブーゲンビリアと儚い夢』
暁 佳奈
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And thus, the time spent is loved forever.
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Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream
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The youth woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Outside, the rain was falling gently. The youth, with raven black hair and emerald eyes, looked out of the window with joy.
It is raining today, he thought. Which means no outdoor training—fencing or runs. It will probably be lessons indoors. The youth had been thinking about the rest of the children’s book which he could not read due to training.
Yes.
He was not allowed to read books before bed, and they get confiscated if he did not do well in school. Brought up in a strict family, there were whip marks on the youth’s hands. His hands had been aching from the beating yesterday. He was beaten because he did not look for his elder brother who ran away from training. When his brother heard this, he fought back at their father, but ended up getting punched. Right now, his brother was probably feeling happy too as he wakes up to the morning in another room.
“Gilbert.”
There was a knock on the door, and the youth came out of the room in his pajamas.
“I guess we have a break.”
His brother was smiling with a swollen cheek and bruised eye.
“Are you okay?” asked the youth, and his brother replied, “It’s nothing.” He held Gilbert’s hands and rubbed them as if to warm them up.
“I am sorry for running away.”
No problem, Gilbert answered by shaking his head.
“But I think I will do it again.”
“Why?” Gilbert asked his brother.
“Because I hate it. Not just Father but everything.”
Gilbert shrugged. He could somehow understand what his brother said. His brother hated everything—fate and duty—that was placed on them.
“Don’t be a slave too. Can I sleep in your room? My blanket was taken away as punishment. I can’t stand the cold. Also, that novel you are reading, can I read it first?”
Yes, no problem, answered Gilbert.
One day, when I grow up, I want to do the things I like, thought Gilbert.
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The man woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Everything felt hazy. It was probably quite humid. He felt like his body was weighed down by a heavy rock as he tried to get out of bed.
“Ah...”
There was a beautiful girl in his arms.
With blonde hair, blonde eyelashes, and a skin like porcelain, the girl was asleep. Her smooth limbs were long and beautiful. She looked just like a mermaid. Gilbert was taken aback that he was sleeping with someone. And then...
“Violet...”
He was even more surprised, that it was the person he loves.
“......”
He looked hard at her. She was sleeping so quietly, he wondered if she was breathing. Getting closer, he could hear her breathing, setting his mind at ease. The sleeping Violet looked like a doll.
Such flawless skin.
Compared to him, who had started to grow some white hairs, she was so young. They were years apart, but still, she looked so young. She had always looked older than her age when she was a child. Such people look younger as they grow old. Maybe it is better to say that age caught up with her looks, then overtook them.
Gilbert did not want to wake her, but wanted to show his love. So he took a handful of her hair and gave it a light kiss. This brought a blush to his face as well as a smile.
“Ah... Major...”
Violet called out, with her eyes still closed.
This was no longer a fitting name for him, but it was the first word she ever said, and his rank from the past.
And so, Gilbert let her continue calling him by that name.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, I was already faintly awake.”
She rubbed her eyes like a cat, then opened them and looked at him.
Every little action drew his attention.
“Ah... you... are here...”
Maybe she was saying strange things because she just woke up.
“Of course I am here.”
“It surprised me.”
“I understand. I am surprised too... we have only been living together for a day. No wonder we are both surprised.”
Gilbert laughed softly as he held the girl in his arms. Their noses met, rubbing like animals fawning.
“Sometimes... I feel like... I will stop... functioning... because... you are... so passionate...”
“Why are you talking like that, Violet?”
“Maybe... because I am blushing...”
“That’s rare. Let me take a look.”
“No, I can’t show you.”
“Please.”
“No... I can’t...”
Violet twisted her body and tried to bring up her hand to hide her face. Gilbert laughed as he gave her body a squeeze. Growing red in her cheeks, Violet pulled up a pillow and placed it between their faces in protest.
“What’s this.”
“It’s a bulwark.”
“I can’t give you a morning kiss like this.”
“... it’s a wall...”
“Do you hate me now?”
“No such thing!”
“Then why do you need this wall?”
“Because my face looks weird now.”
Violet slowly peeked out from behind the pillow.
“It will be a problem if I show you my face and you think it is weird and hate me.”
Gilbert did not bother to argue. He grabbed the pillow, tossed it aside, and stole a kiss.
The lovers, on this rainy day, took some time to get out of bed. By the time they were done battling each other, it was close to noon.
Gilbert cooked lunch, and they ate together.
The rain did not stop. After resting for a while in each other’s arms, they sat on a bench, each reading a book.
Spending time doing the things they like.
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From inside the horse carriage, the youth looked out at the view outside the window.
There was never a day when he could act on his own free will.
As someone with the blood of a Bougainvillea, an established family that had produced many excellent army officers, everything had been decided for Gilbert. From the type of shoes to wear, the material of his jacket, even what time to wake up in the morning, the martial arts to learn, who he got to listen to and who could become his friends—everything had been decided for him. Even attending the military academy this spring had been decided for him since the time of his birth.
He got them to bring out the horse carriage so that he could see his room at the dormitory. However, none of his parents were with him. Only his butler accompanied him. His father was at work, and his mother was busy with his newborn sister. His brother had already left the house without telling anyone where he went. Only Gilbert received a letter from his brother informing that he had joined the naval academy. Since then, there had been no further news. His brother said he would be back to celebrate Gilbert’s entry to the academy, but no one knew if that would happen.
“......”
The view outside the window kept changing.
Gilbert saw several youths around his age seeming to enjoy themselves as they walked along. They were the common people, none of whom would go to the military academy. Some would take over the family business, and some would go on to work in the private sector. They were just walking, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.
“......”
Sitting inside the horse carriage, nothing seemed enjoyable to Gilbert. He was asked if there was anywhere else he wanted to go, but nothing came to mind. Even though he was good in geography and knew well the names of places, there was no name that he could say.
He knew that there was no place where he could escape to.
For example, if he were to bring up his inner turmoil and pain here, he would simply be deemed weak and passed over. The duty of running the family would be forced onto the husbands of his still young sisters. This would mean that even if his sisters eventually had someone they like, they would not be able to profess their feelings. They would not be able to marry the persons they love.
It was best for Gilbert to put up with it. That was the best way for things to turn out. That was because Gilbert never really thought much about himself. If anyone is to die, it would best be me, thought Gilbert.
As he saw an old couple walking among the trees, envy brought tears to his eyes.
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From inside the horse carriage, the man looked out at the view outside the window.
Today was just another day with nothing much going on.
The greenery outside was beautiful. Looking to his side, there was an even more beautiful person beside him. His lover.
As the carriage came to a halt just outside the forest, the two of them came out holding a picnic basket. They could not make it the other day due to rain, but today seemed to be a much better day anyway. They heard from a neighbor that they might see hot air balloons today.
“I have flown in a fighter plane before, but not a hot air balloon. How about you, Major?”
Together, Violet and Gilbert spread a large piece of cloth on the grass patch and laid back to watch the sky. The handmade sandwiches and tea which were in the picnic basket have already been finished up. They were both small eaters, but it seemed they both ate more than they usually do. Maybe it was because they were relaxing outside.
“No. I like the speed of fighter planes, but they aren’t great for enjoying the scenery. That looks more fun. Shall we take a ride together some day?”
A small red balloon could be seen in the distant sky.
“I am worried about the light defenses.”
“Yes, it doesn’t seem to be bulletproof.”
A weird conversation started between the lovers with a military past. It is hard to believe anyone can ride such a thing, it is the end if it gets shot. As Gilbert conveyed these thoughts, Violet replied with a gentle look, “I have the exact same thoughts.”
“It is hard to enjoy if one thinks about getting shot. Maybe we should just ride horses.”
“Yes, it is easier to escape on horses. They can even be eaten. That is a good decision.”
“......”
“You looked sad when we ate the horses back then. I am sorry for my slip of tongue.”
“No worries. Such were the times. It couldn’t be helped.”
“Yes, such were the times.”
Such were the times when many things could be forgiven. For example, the relationship between the two.
“Violet...”
Gilbert wanted to ask for forgiveness, but decided against it.
“Are you cold?”
They were in a time when he has already been forgiven.
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The youth stared at the drops of water dripping from the roses in the vase.
Unknowingly, several minutes passed. The vase on the round table said nothing. The person his parents chose for him looked bored. She was his brother’s fiancée, passed to him just like the headship of his family. It was clear that neither of them was here because they wanted to see the other. It would be many times more fun to spend this precious day off from the academy with his newfound friend in their room than meeting her at this café.
I wonder what Hodgins is doing, thought Gilbert.
While he did not like the board games or entertainment that Hodgins taught him, he liked spending time with him and eating together. He had already been admonished several times by his instructors for their relationship, but he never thought about ending it.
Well, he has friends other than me, so he is probably fine without me, thought Gilbert.
Something interesting had finally appeared in Gilbert’s life. That was Claudia Hodgins. There was no way that Gilbert, who was only thinking about his friend, could have an interesting conversation with a young woman.
“I am going back.”
His fiancée finally spoke, and that brought him back to reality.
“Sorry, I was thinking about something. Even though I am with you.”
“It is fine. I am glad just to see you. The tea here is delicious too.”
“Yes, so is the food.”
He escorted her outside. Her servant was waiting a distance away.
“Gilbert, do you think you can convince them?”
“Give me a bit more time. I am still a cadet and have no right to speak.”
“I see. It is the same for me.”
“It was decided by our parents. It will take time, but let’s do our best to convince them to call it off.”
“Yes... I am so glad my fiancé was changed to you, Gilbert.”
Gilbert gave a faint smile, but he was not feeling glad. Because he knew she saw him as a pawn working for her.
“I think my brother would have been better at things.”
His fiancée tilted her head away as she smiled embarrassingly.
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The man stared at the drops of water dripping from the roses in the vase.
The bouquet he just bought was giving off a vibrant fragrance. At the square near their house, he was slightly embarrassed at himself as he waited with a bouquet in hand. He kept him gaze down.
This was the first time in his life that he has ever bought red roses. He could not stand how shy he felt when buying the bouquet. He had given flowers to his mother and sisters before, but he had never chosen red roses.
Somehow, he felt it was a flower to be given when he finally meets someone special. He was worried about how she would feel with this sudden gift.
Would purple flowers be better?
His lover would not reject the gift, but she was likely to give a blank look. She was such a person. But he wanted to give her the bouquet. So there was no other way. A small part of him wanted to make her happy by giving her flowers, but mostly, he wanted to give this special flower to the person he loves. The stronger his desire to give her flowers, the more worried he was now about putting her on the spot.
But he had already bought the flowers. He told the store owner he wanted a bouquet of roses, and even specified the color of the ribbon. There was no turning back.
“Major.”
Violet arrived at the square where they arranged to meet. They wanted to buy different things, so even though they left the house together, they split along the way.
“A bouquet... are you going to pay your respects to someone later? Let me hold your stuff.”
His lover seemed to think the bouquet was for someone deceased. Gilbert gave a bewildered look, then smiled.
“No, that’s not it. These are...”
Gilbert took the things from Violet’s hands as he passed her the bouquet.
“... flowers I bought for the person I love.”
Behind the bouquet of roses, Violet’s cheeks turned red as her eyes sparkled.
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“I see your eyes,” said the girl soldier as he looked at her.
The girl soldier pointed her finger. Her straight white finger was pointing at an emerald brooch. It looked like the gem that Gilbert Bougainvillea, Leidenschaftlich Army, has possessed since the day of his birth.
The girl soldier looked straight into his melancholic eyes.
“What is this called?”
She was an orphan who had just started to learn words, and there were often times like this when she could not find the appropriate word.
He was going to say “emerald” and tell her that it was a type of gemstone, but he was wrong.
“When I saw it, I... didn’t know how to describe it...”
Gilbert held back his words.
“Beautiful...”
It was Gilbert who taught her words. Many words. So that she could follow orders. This girl soldier looked beautiful, but she was actually a beast.
I didn’t teach her.
Why did this beast understand only “kill”?
I didn’t teach her.
And that is why their conversation was limited. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger.
I didn’t teach her.
Of course, he taught her all the things she needs in order to survive after he dies. It can be said that Gilbert did his best. But now, his mistake stood out clearly.
I didn’t teach her.
He gave her orders to kill people, but never taught her the word “beautiful.”
I didn’t teach her.
Even though she was a girl so befitting this word.
I didn’t tell her.
Even though he had felt so many times.
She was never told.
Even though she would have been told this word countless times if she did not live her life with him in the battlefield.
Even though she never knew this word.
And now, she knew, for the first time.
Even though she never knew, she called the gem resembling Gilbert Bougainvillea’s eyes “beautiful.”
I am the one who brought you around the battlefield.
Why did she say this? She is not one who flatters. She does not praise. That is not her character. She only tells the truth. She does not lie. She lives like a machine. And that made it all the more painful that she was saying this from her heart.
Painful.
A word that she should be told. Yet she learnt it by looking at the eyes of her master, the one who orders her to kill.
He bought the brooch and passed it to her. The night slowly passed.
He wanted to go somewhere quiet. He could not stand his own shame. It was difficult to teach a child during wartime. And she was no ordinary child.
She was given the name of a flower. She is Violet, the maiden of war.
Anyone else would say Gilbert did a great job bringing her up, but the episode that just took place pierced his heart.
“Major, what should I do after receiving this?”
She looked at the brooch she held in her hand.
“Wear it anywhere you want.”
“I will lose it.”
“If you are fighting. Wear it only when you are not fighting. With your blue eyes, maybe something blue would have been better.”
Violet the girl soldier shook her head.
“No, this was the most beautiful.”
She said it so honestly, he stopped breathing.
“Beautiful... I had thought so... but I didn’t know the word, so I haven’t said it.”
It was so painful, he stopped breathing.
“Your eyes are beautiful from the first time we met.”
It was so endearing, he stopped breathing. He felt like it would kill him.
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“I see your eyes,” said his lover as he looked at her.
They had come to the jewelry store to buy rings. To buy rings befitting this happy couple. Yes, that was so. But somehow, it did not feel real. The jewelry store was filled with other couples, and the storekeeper waited for his reply with a gentle smile.
“... Ah, yes...”
He could not finish his words.
She was here. She was here, with a happy smile, but a voice in his mind kept saying, “This is wrong.” He tried to force a smile, but his heart felt wrong.
Something was not right.
Yes, something was not right.
He did not know what was not right, but he needed to pay careful attention.
What was wrong?
Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink lips.
White skin, slender limbs.
Wrong.
Slender limbs.
Wrong.
She had hands.
She should not have hands.
The lover in front of his eyes boasted a perfect beauty. A perfection that shines in beauty.
Ah, I see.
After looking carefully, it was clear what felt wrong.
“Violet, what happened to your hands?”
Hands that should have been lost during the war.
Hearing his words, the smile immediately disappeared from Violet’s face. Her face turned blank, as if without emotions.
“Why do you have to say this?”
“... Erm, it somehow feels weird.”
“It isn’t weird. Isn’t it what you want?”
Gilbert felt confused. He broke into a sweat, and his throat turned parch dry. A drop of sweat went into his eye.
“......”
He took a deep breath, rubbed his eye, and when he opened it, the jewelry store was gone.
“Violet?”
Gone
“Violet.”
Gone. Everything turned white.
“Violet, Violet...”
She was gone too.
“Where are you, Violet?”
The person he loves was gone.
“Violet!”
The person most important to him was gone.
“... Violet!”
The person most important to him, the person whom he would do anything to protect. The woman he loves most. Gone.
Everything was gone.
Why? How?
In the first place, what was real? What was not?
Gilbert wondered if the happy days spent with her were real. In that white space with nothing, Gilbert wondered. What was real?
There were no such happy days.
She was unfortunate since the day they met. He probably never gave her any happy experiences at all. There was only one time when he brought her to town that left her with memories befitting a girl of her age.
Only that time when he bought the brooch.
What then, were those days?
What then, were those days which he remembers as if they actually happened. Those days of kindness made as if in direct contrast to his past.
“......”
The answer was simple. Those days were a wish, a dream. A fleeting fake that soon disappears. They were not real.
“......”
There was no way that Gilbert Bougainvillea gets to live such days. No way he could be allowed to do so.
He disappeared after the war. Because he decided it was best that he was not around her. They relied too much on each other. Such a relationship was not good for her.
That’s right.
Their ages were years apart, and while they looked like father and daughter, it was Violet who had a hold over his life, yet Gilbert was the one giving the orders. Everything was inconsistent. They were not siblings. There is no brother who orders his sister to kill.
Superior and subordinate. That seems right, yet there was something that crossed the line.
The relationship between them.
The relationship between them.
The relationship between them.
It was as if two lonely persons from the corners of the world were brought together by fate. Loneliness sympathizing with loneliness. Gilbert came to adore the beautiful beast that always followed behind him. She was the only one who saw him. No one had cared for his life. She was the first. Gilbert looked at her as if begging her attention.
Violet always allowed his existence. She respected the master who guided her with kindness. It was almost like she worshipped him. She would not mind dying anytime as long as he lives. Receiving orders from him was proof of the reason for her existence. But more so...
It was because he hugged her when they first met, and that made her happy.
She was happy that someone approved of her existence.
She was happy to be used by someone who treated her so kindly.
She wanted to be his beast. There was no reason to live if she were not by his side.
Gilbert and Violet.
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They loved each other.
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In the blank white world, tears flowed.
Gilbert did not know why he was crying.
Was it shame?
Was it sadness?
Was it regret?
Was it torment?
Was it pain?
Was it because he wants to die?
Was it because he wants to live?
Was it because he wants to be forgiven?
Was it because he wants to forgive?
Was it because he wants to say?
Was it because he wants to apologize?
No.
I want to be forgiven.
As he got closer to the truth, the world started to blur. He knew this world was coming to an end.
The hazy view from overflowing tears.
The consciousness slipping away.
Soon, it will be dawn. The real Gilbert Bougainvillea will be waking up. Such a dream is unlikely to be remembered after waking up.
This shameless dream.
A wish that he hoped would be real.
The lack of shame for what he has done.
To hide everything and live.
Without being loved by someone.
Without loving someone.
And to eventually die, lonely.
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The man woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Everything felt hazy. It was probably quite humid. He felt pain in his body as he tried to get out of bed. He did not know why. Maybe there is no victory over age.
“Ah...”
The room was deserted with no one else. He was alone on the large bed.
“Ah...”
He was in a dazed, but still, he started preparing for the morning. Somehow, tears kept flowing from his single eye, but he did not give it much thought. He was not really interested in his own feelings.
He changed out of his pajamas into a shirt and pants, and left the room for the kitchen. He boiled water and made tea. There were fruits on the table but no bread. He remembered he had run out of bread. He would need to go buy some.
Humans are such troublesome living things, thought Gilbert. Money is needed to live, and money is needed for one’s grave. The body desires food even if one does not. If he wants something, he needs to go to the store, bringing cash along. If he falls ill, he will need to go to the hospital. A torn shirt will need to be sewn. But even then, a day will come when such daily things will no longer be possible.
Such as the morning after waking up from a horrible dream.
He did not forget. It was a dream, but it was a vivid dream. It felt like it was real. Even now, he honestly did not know which was real and which was a dream.
Was he still half asleep?
Eventually, he would be fully awake. He would accept reality and, as usual, he would live an honest life as expected by others. That was how he had been brought up. He should be able to do it. Because that had been how he had lived. He had put a collar around his neck and followed fate so that he would not fail, so that he could become what others wanted him to be.
Even if he could not, he had to. Until someday, when he eventually dies.
Then, he heard a voice.
Gilbert almost dropped the cup of tea he was holding.
“Major, are you awake?”
It was a familiar voice. A voice that echoed in his ears like the song of a bird was calling him by a rank that was no longer fits him.
Gilbert walked unsteadily toward the direction of the voice. The doorknob of the front door rattled. Someone was trying to open the door, but it seemed to be stuck. Gilbert yanked the door open.
“Ah...”
She was there.
“Major, I am so glad. You don’t look that bad.”
In front of him.
“I went to buy breakfast. Mr. Hodgins and Benedict are still at the market.”
Gilbert’s most beloved was there.
“They came to visit on their rare break and we had to run out of food. But everything is fine now.”
Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink lips.
“I have hidden the liquor because Mr. Hodgins made you drink so much yesterday. Benedict also said he woke up with a hangover, so please drink wine instead tonight. I am worried for your health...”
Her silver-colored prosthetic hands hidden under her dress clanked every time she put something on the floor.
“Major?”
Gilbert opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Then, he called out loudly the name of the person he loves so that he would wake up from the bad dream.
“Violet.”
The world turned a softer color just by calling this name.
“Yes?”
She tilted her small head. Gilbert hugged her at the door. He did not ask for permission.
Until now, he had always asked for permission, to kiss her, to hold her. But not this time. He wanted to be permitted. Violet was surprised but did not struggle.
“Major... what happened?”
“... I am having a hangover...”
“Yes, Benedict too.”
“I woke up with dreams and reality being mixed... reality mixed with lies, together with the truth... muddled up... like an abomination...”
“That is a frightening dream.”
The calm reply from his lover, who always seems to be aloof, made him feel like he could laugh what happened away.
“Yes... that is why holding you in my arms made me feel better.”
Hearing this, Violet timidly wrapped her arms around Gilbert’s back and hugged him back.
“... Thank you...”
“Don’t worry, I understand because I sometimes have dreams too.”
“You too?”
“Yes. I usually don’t dream, but sometimes, I have a specific dream. A dream where I keep searching for you.”
“Was it a younger you?”
“Maybe. Maybe both. Whether it is a younger me or not, I cannot find you. It makes me think, if that is the case, it would have been better if I had died together with you back then.”
“......”
“But when I wake up, you are here. You are sleeping beside me. Yes, we are living together now. There is no need to search anymore. What a relief.”
Gilbert looked at the face of Violet who was speaking in a whisper.
“And then, I go back to sleep beside you. Everything is fine now.”
“Ah...”
At the end, the two of us are so alike, thought Gilbert.
“Day or night. Asleep or awake. I can check. That you are here.”
“Ah... yes, that is true, Violet. We are fine now.”
What they lack becomes whole when they are together. It gives them the strength to live in this mediocre and cruel world. Because they still have their lives ahead to live.
“What shall I make for breakfast?”
Violet smiled as Gilbert asked with a gentle smile.
“They took the trouble to visit us, so I hope to show our hospitality.”
“I really hope this is the one and only time they turn up unannounced.”
“It was a pleasant surprise for me.”
“I will have less time with you. We have our own schedules.”
“Mr. Hodgins likes you, Major.”
“Well, we are close friends.”
“Benedict is also worried about us.”
“He is only worried about you. He kept warning me at the wedding.”
“Mr. Hodgins said he wants to do something interesting today.”
“Just being alone with you is interesting for me.”
“Major, maybe it is time you let go of me. How about getting started on making breakfast?”
“A bit more. Let me hold you a bit more.”
“... Okay...”
There is nothing else to fear, thought Gilbert. Whether it was living or dying.
There is nothing else to fear, because I have you, my most beloved.
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And thus, the time spent is loved forever.
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Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream
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The youth woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Outside, the rain was falling gently. The youth, with raven black hair and emerald eyes, looked out of the window with joy.
It is raining today, he thought. Which means no outdoor training—fencing or runs. It will probably be lessons indoors. The youth had been thinking about the rest of the children’s book which he could not read due to training.
Yes.
He was not allowed to read books before bed, and they get confiscated if he did not do well in school. Brought up in a strict family, there were whip marks on the youth’s hands. His hands had been aching from the beating yesterday. He was beaten because he did not look for his elder brother who ran away from training. When his brother heard this, he fought back at their father, but ended up getting punched. Right now, his brother was probably feeling happy too as he wakes up to the morning in another room.
“Gilbert.”
There was a knock on the door, and the youth came out of the room in his pajamas.
“I guess we have a break.”
His brother was smiling with a swollen cheek and bruised eye.
“Are you okay?” asked the youth, and his brother replied, “It’s nothing.” He held Gilbert’s hands and rubbed them as if to warm them up.
“I am sorry for running away.”
No problem, Gilbert answered by shaking his head.
“But I think I will do it again.”
“Why?” Gilbert asked his brother.
“Because I hate it. Not just Father but everything.”
Gilbert shrugged. He could somehow understand what his brother said. His brother hated everything—fate and duty—that was placed on them.
“Don’t be a slave too. Can I sleep in your room? My blanket was taken away as punishment. I can’t stand the cold. Also, that novel you are reading, can I read it first?”
Yes, no problem, answered Gilbert.
One day, when I grow up, I want to do the things I like, thought Gilbert.
------------------
The man woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Everything felt hazy. It was probably quite humid. He felt like his body was weighed down by a heavy rock as he tried to get out of bed.
“Ah...”
There was a beautiful girl in his arms.
With blonde hair, blonde eyelashes, and a skin like porcelain, the girl was asleep. Her smooth limbs were long and beautiful. She looked just like a mermaid. Gilbert was taken aback that he was sleeping with someone. And then...
“Violet...”
He was even more surprised, that it was the person he loves.
“......”
He looked hard at her. She was sleeping so quietly, he wondered if she was breathing. Getting closer, he could hear her breathing, setting his mind at ease. The sleeping Violet looked like a doll.
Such flawless skin.
Compared to him, who had started to grow some white hairs, she was so young. They were years apart, but still, she looked so young. She had always looked older than her age when she was a child. Such people look younger as they grow old. Maybe it is better to say that age caught up with her looks, then overtook them.
Gilbert did not want to wake her, but wanted to show his love. So he took a handful of her hair and gave it a light kiss. This brought a blush to his face as well as a smile.
“Ah... Major...”
Violet called out, with her eyes still closed.
This was no longer a fitting name for him, but it was the first word she ever said, and his rank from the past.
And so, Gilbert let her continue calling him by that name.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, I was already faintly awake.”
She rubbed her eyes like a cat, then opened them and looked at him.
Every little action drew his attention.
“Ah... you... are here...”
Maybe she was saying strange things because she just woke up.
“Of course I am here.”
“It surprised me.”
“I understand. I am surprised too... we have only been living together for a day. No wonder we are both surprised.”
Gilbert laughed softly as he held the girl in his arms. Their noses met, rubbing like animals fawning.
“Sometimes... I feel like... I will stop... functioning... because... you are... so passionate...”
“Why are you talking like that, Violet?”
“Maybe... because I am blushing...”
“That’s rare. Let me take a look.”
“No, I can’t show you.”
“Please.”
“No... I can’t...”
Violet twisted her body and tried to bring up her hand to hide her face. Gilbert laughed as he gave her body a squeeze. Growing red in her cheeks, Violet pulled up a pillow and placed it between their faces in protest.
“What’s this.”
“It’s a bulwark.”
“I can’t give you a morning kiss like this.”
“... it’s a wall...”
“Do you hate me now?”
“No such thing!”
“Then why do you need this wall?”
“Because my face looks weird now.”
Violet slowly peeked out from behind the pillow.
“It will be a problem if I show you my face and you think it is weird and hate me.”
Gilbert did not bother to argue. He grabbed the pillow, tossed it aside, and stole a kiss.
The lovers, on this rainy day, took some time to get out of bed. By the time they were done battling each other, it was close to noon.
Gilbert cooked lunch, and they ate together.
The rain did not stop. After resting for a while in each other’s arms, they sat on a bench, each reading a book.
Spending time doing the things they like.
------------------
From inside the horse carriage, the youth looked out at the view outside the window.
There was never a day when he could act on his own free will.
As someone with the blood of a Bougainvillea, an established family that had produced many excellent army officers, everything had been decided for Gilbert. From the type of shoes to wear, the material of his jacket, even what time to wake up in the morning, the martial arts to learn, who he got to listen to and who could become his friends—everything had been decided for him. Even attending the military academy this spring had been decided for him since the time of his birth.
He got them to bring out the horse carriage so that he could see his room at the dormitory. However, none of his parents were with him. Only his butler accompanied him. His father was at work, and his mother was busy with his newborn sister. His brother had already left the house without telling anyone where he went. Only Gilbert received a letter from his brother informing that he had joined the naval academy. Since then, there had been no further news. His brother said he would be back to celebrate Gilbert’s entry to the academy, but no one knew if that would happen.
“......”
The view outside the window kept changing.
Gilbert saw several youths around his age seeming to enjoy themselves as they walked along. They were the common people, none of whom would go to the military academy. Some would take over the family business, and some would go on to work in the private sector. They were just walking, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves.
“......”
Sitting inside the horse carriage, nothing seemed enjoyable to Gilbert. He was asked if there was anywhere else he wanted to go, but nothing came to mind. Even though he was good in geography and knew well the names of places, there was no name that he could say.
He knew that there was no place where he could escape to.
For example, if he were to bring up his inner turmoil and pain here, he would simply be deemed weak and passed over. The duty of running the family would be forced onto the husbands of his still young sisters. This would mean that even if his sisters eventually had someone they like, they would not be able to profess their feelings. They would not be able to marry the persons they love.
It was best for Gilbert to put up with it. That was the best way for things to turn out. That was because Gilbert never really thought much about himself. If anyone is to die, it would best be me, thought Gilbert.
As he saw an old couple walking among the trees, envy brought tears to his eyes.
------------------
From inside the horse carriage, the man looked out at the view outside the window.
Today was just another day with nothing much going on.
The greenery outside was beautiful. Looking to his side, there was an even more beautiful person beside him. His lover.
As the carriage came to a halt just outside the forest, the two of them came out holding a picnic basket. They could not make it the other day due to rain, but today seemed to be a much better day anyway. They heard from a neighbor that they might see hot air balloons today.
“I have flown in a fighter plane before, but not a hot air balloon. How about you, Major?”
Together, Violet and Gilbert spread a large piece of cloth on the grass patch and laid back to watch the sky. The handmade sandwiches and tea which were in the picnic basket have already been finished up. They were both small eaters, but it seemed they both ate more than they usually do. Maybe it was because they were relaxing outside.
“No. I like the speed of fighter planes, but they aren’t great for enjoying the scenery. That looks more fun. Shall we take a ride together some day?”
A small red balloon could be seen in the distant sky.
“I am worried about the light defenses.”
“Yes, it doesn’t seem to be bulletproof.”
A weird conversation started between the lovers with a military past. It is hard to believe anyone can ride such a thing, it is the end if it gets shot. As Gilbert conveyed these thoughts, Violet replied with a gentle look, “I have the exact same thoughts.”
“It is hard to enjoy if one thinks about getting shot. Maybe we should just ride horses.”
“Yes, it is easier to escape on horses. They can even be eaten. That is a good decision.”
“......”
“You looked sad when we ate the horses back then. I am sorry for my slip of tongue.”
“No worries. Such were the times. It couldn’t be helped.”
“Yes, such were the times.”
Such were the times when many things could be forgiven. For example, the relationship between the two.
“Violet...”
Gilbert wanted to ask for forgiveness, but decided against it.
“Are you cold?”
They were in a time when he has already been forgiven.
------------------
The youth stared at the drops of water dripping from the roses in the vase.
Unknowingly, several minutes passed. The vase on the round table said nothing. The person his parents chose for him looked bored. She was his brother’s fiancée, passed to him just like the headship of his family. It was clear that neither of them was here because they wanted to see the other. It would be many times more fun to spend this precious day off from the academy with his newfound friend in their room than meeting her at this café.
I wonder what Hodgins is doing, thought Gilbert.
While he did not like the board games or entertainment that Hodgins taught him, he liked spending time with him and eating together. He had already been admonished several times by his instructors for their relationship, but he never thought about ending it.
Well, he has friends other than me, so he is probably fine without me, thought Gilbert.
Something interesting had finally appeared in Gilbert’s life. That was Claudia Hodgins. There was no way that Gilbert, who was only thinking about his friend, could have an interesting conversation with a young woman.
“I am going back.”
His fiancée finally spoke, and that brought him back to reality.
“Sorry, I was thinking about something. Even though I am with you.”
“It is fine. I am glad just to see you. The tea here is delicious too.”
“Yes, so is the food.”
He escorted her outside. Her servant was waiting a distance away.
“Gilbert, do you think you can convince them?”
“Give me a bit more time. I am still a cadet and have no right to speak.”
“I see. It is the same for me.”
“It was decided by our parents. It will take time, but let’s do our best to convince them to call it off.”
“Yes... I am so glad my fiancé was changed to you, Gilbert.”
Gilbert gave a faint smile, but he was not feeling glad. Because he knew she saw him as a pawn working for her.
“I think my brother would have been better at things.”
His fiancée tilted her head away as she smiled embarrassingly.
------------------
The man stared at the drops of water dripping from the roses in the vase.
The bouquet he just bought was giving off a vibrant fragrance. At the square near their house, he was slightly embarrassed at himself as he waited with a bouquet in hand. He kept him gaze down.
This was the first time in his life that he has ever bought red roses. He could not stand how shy he felt when buying the bouquet. He had given flowers to his mother and sisters before, but he had never chosen red roses.
Somehow, he felt it was a flower to be given when he finally meets someone special. He was worried about how she would feel with this sudden gift.
Would purple flowers be better?
His lover would not reject the gift, but she was likely to give a blank look. She was such a person. But he wanted to give her the bouquet. So there was no other way. A small part of him wanted to make her happy by giving her flowers, but mostly, he wanted to give this special flower to the person he loves. The stronger his desire to give her flowers, the more worried he was now about putting her on the spot.
But he had already bought the flowers. He told the store owner he wanted a bouquet of roses, and even specified the color of the ribbon. There was no turning back.
“Major.”
Violet arrived at the square where they arranged to meet. They wanted to buy different things, so even though they left the house together, they split along the way.
“A bouquet... are you going to pay your respects to someone later? Let me hold your stuff.”
His lover seemed to think the bouquet was for someone deceased. Gilbert gave a bewildered look, then smiled.
“No, that’s not it. These are...”
Gilbert took the things from Violet’s hands as he passed her the bouquet.
“... flowers I bought for the person I love.”
Behind the bouquet of roses, Violet’s cheeks turned red as her eyes sparkled.
------------------
“I see your eyes,” said the girl soldier as he looked at her.
The girl soldier pointed her finger. Her straight white finger was pointing at an emerald brooch. It looked like the gem that Gilbert Bougainvillea, Leidenschaftlich Army, has possessed since the day of his birth.
The girl soldier looked straight into his melancholic eyes.
“What is this called?”
She was an orphan who had just started to learn words, and there were often times like this when she could not find the appropriate word.
He was going to say “emerald” and tell her that it was a type of gemstone, but he was wrong.
“When I saw it, I... didn’t know how to describe it...”
Gilbert held back his words.
“Beautiful...”
It was Gilbert who taught her words. Many words. So that she could follow orders. This girl soldier looked beautiful, but she was actually a beast.
I didn’t teach her.
Why did this beast understand only “kill”?
I didn’t teach her.
And that is why their conversation was limited. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger. Kill. Roger.
I didn’t teach her.
Of course, he taught her all the things she needs in order to survive after he dies. It can be said that Gilbert did his best. But now, his mistake stood out clearly.
I didn’t teach her.
He gave her orders to kill people, but never taught her the word “beautiful.”
I didn’t teach her.
Even though she was a girl so befitting this word.
I didn’t tell her.
Even though he had felt so many times.
She was never told.
Even though she would have been told this word countless times if she did not live her life with him in the battlefield.
Even though she never knew this word.
And now, she knew, for the first time.
Even though she never knew, she called the gem resembling Gilbert Bougainvillea’s eyes “beautiful.”
I am the one who brought you around the battlefield.
Why did she say this? She is not one who flatters. She does not praise. That is not her character. She only tells the truth. She does not lie. She lives like a machine. And that made it all the more painful that she was saying this from her heart.
Painful.
A word that she should be told. Yet she learnt it by looking at the eyes of her master, the one who orders her to kill.
He bought the brooch and passed it to her. The night slowly passed.
He wanted to go somewhere quiet. He could not stand his own shame. It was difficult to teach a child during wartime. And she was no ordinary child.
She was given the name of a flower. She is Violet, the maiden of war.
Anyone else would say Gilbert did a great job bringing her up, but the episode that just took place pierced his heart.
“Major, what should I do after receiving this?”
She looked at the brooch she held in her hand.
“Wear it anywhere you want.”
“I will lose it.”
“If you are fighting. Wear it only when you are not fighting. With your blue eyes, maybe something blue would have been better.”
Violet the girl soldier shook her head.
“No, this was the most beautiful.”
She said it so honestly, he stopped breathing.
“Beautiful... I had thought so... but I didn’t know the word, so I haven’t said it.”
It was so painful, he stopped breathing.
“Your eyes are beautiful from the first time we met.”
It was so endearing, he stopped breathing. He felt like it would kill him.
------------------
“I see your eyes,” said his lover as he looked at her.
They had come to the jewelry store to buy rings. To buy rings befitting this happy couple. Yes, that was so. But somehow, it did not feel real. The jewelry store was filled with other couples, and the storekeeper waited for his reply with a gentle smile.
“... Ah, yes...”
He could not finish his words.
She was here. She was here, with a happy smile, but a voice in his mind kept saying, “This is wrong.” He tried to force a smile, but his heart felt wrong.
Something was not right.
Yes, something was not right.
He did not know what was not right, but he needed to pay careful attention.
What was wrong?
Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink lips.
White skin, slender limbs.
Wrong.
Slender limbs.
Wrong.
She had hands.
She should not have hands.
The lover in front of his eyes boasted a perfect beauty. A perfection that shines in beauty.
Ah, I see.
After looking carefully, it was clear what felt wrong.
“Violet, what happened to your hands?”
Hands that should have been lost during the war.
Hearing his words, the smile immediately disappeared from Violet’s face. Her face turned blank, as if without emotions.
“Why do you have to say this?”
“... Erm, it somehow feels weird.”
“It isn’t weird. Isn’t it what you want?”
Gilbert felt confused. He broke into a sweat, and his throat turned parch dry. A drop of sweat went into his eye.
“......”
He took a deep breath, rubbed his eye, and when he opened it, the jewelry store was gone.
“Violet?”
Gone
“Violet.”
Gone. Everything turned white.
“Violet, Violet...”
She was gone too.
“Where are you, Violet?”
The person he loves was gone.
“Violet!”
The person most important to him was gone.
“... Violet!”
The person most important to him, the person whom he would do anything to protect. The woman he loves most. Gone.
Everything was gone.
Why? How?
In the first place, what was real? What was not?
Gilbert wondered if the happy days spent with her were real. In that white space with nothing, Gilbert wondered. What was real?
There were no such happy days.
She was unfortunate since the day they met. He probably never gave her any happy experiences at all. There was only one time when he brought her to town that left her with memories befitting a girl of her age.
Only that time when he bought the brooch.
What then, were those days?
What then, were those days which he remembers as if they actually happened. Those days of kindness made as if in direct contrast to his past.
“......”
The answer was simple. Those days were a wish, a dream. A fleeting fake that soon disappears. They were not real.
“......”
There was no way that Gilbert Bougainvillea gets to live such days. No way he could be allowed to do so.
He disappeared after the war. Because he decided it was best that he was not around her. They relied too much on each other. Such a relationship was not good for her.
That’s right.
Their ages were years apart, and while they looked like father and daughter, it was Violet who had a hold over his life, yet Gilbert was the one giving the orders. Everything was inconsistent. They were not siblings. There is no brother who orders his sister to kill.
Superior and subordinate. That seems right, yet there was something that crossed the line.
The relationship between them.
The relationship between them.
The relationship between them.
It was as if two lonely persons from the corners of the world were brought together by fate. Loneliness sympathizing with loneliness. Gilbert came to adore the beautiful beast that always followed behind him. She was the only one who saw him. No one had cared for his life. She was the first. Gilbert looked at her as if begging her attention.
Violet always allowed his existence. She respected the master who guided her with kindness. It was almost like she worshipped him. She would not mind dying anytime as long as he lives. Receiving orders from him was proof of the reason for her existence. But more so...
It was because he hugged her when they first met, and that made her happy.
She was happy that someone approved of her existence.
She was happy to be used by someone who treated her so kindly.
She wanted to be his beast. There was no reason to live if she were not by his side.
Gilbert and Violet.
------------------
They loved each other.
------------------
In the blank white world, tears flowed.
Gilbert did not know why he was crying.
Was it shame?
Was it sadness?
Was it regret?
Was it torment?
Was it pain?
Was it because he wants to die?
Was it because he wants to live?
Was it because he wants to be forgiven?
Was it because he wants to forgive?
Was it because he wants to say?
Was it because he wants to apologize?
No.
I want to be forgiven.
As he got closer to the truth, the world started to blur. He knew this world was coming to an end.
The hazy view from overflowing tears.
The consciousness slipping away.
Soon, it will be dawn. The real Gilbert Bougainvillea will be waking up. Such a dream is unlikely to be remembered after waking up.
This shameless dream.
A wish that he hoped would be real.
The lack of shame for what he has done.
To hide everything and live.
Without being loved by someone.
Without loving someone.
And to eventually die, lonely.
------------------
The man woke up alone in the room to the sound of rain.
Everything felt hazy. It was probably quite humid. He felt pain in his body as he tried to get out of bed. He did not know why. Maybe there is no victory over age.
“Ah...”
The room was deserted with no one else. He was alone on the large bed.
“Ah...”
He was in a dazed, but still, he started preparing for the morning. Somehow, tears kept flowing from his single eye, but he did not give it much thought. He was not really interested in his own feelings.
He changed out of his pajamas into a shirt and pants, and left the room for the kitchen. He boiled water and made tea. There were fruits on the table but no bread. He remembered he had run out of bread. He would need to go buy some.
Humans are such troublesome living things, thought Gilbert. Money is needed to live, and money is needed for one’s grave. The body desires food even if one does not. If he wants something, he needs to go to the store, bringing cash along. If he falls ill, he will need to go to the hospital. A torn shirt will need to be sewn. But even then, a day will come when such daily things will no longer be possible.
Such as the morning after waking up from a horrible dream.
He did not forget. It was a dream, but it was a vivid dream. It felt like it was real. Even now, he honestly did not know which was real and which was a dream.
Was he still half asleep?
Eventually, he would be fully awake. He would accept reality and, as usual, he would live an honest life as expected by others. That was how he had been brought up. He should be able to do it. Because that had been how he had lived. He had put a collar around his neck and followed fate so that he would not fail, so that he could become what others wanted him to be.
Even if he could not, he had to. Until someday, when he eventually dies.
Then, he heard a voice.
Gilbert almost dropped the cup of tea he was holding.
“Major, are you awake?”
It was a familiar voice. A voice that echoed in his ears like the song of a bird was calling him by a rank that was no longer fits him.
Gilbert walked unsteadily toward the direction of the voice. The doorknob of the front door rattled. Someone was trying to open the door, but it seemed to be stuck. Gilbert yanked the door open.
“Ah...”
She was there.
“Major, I am so glad. You don’t look that bad.”
In front of him.
“I went to buy breakfast. Mr. Hodgins and Benedict are still at the market.”
Gilbert’s most beloved was there.
“They came to visit on their rare break and we had to run out of food. But everything is fine now.”
Blonde hair, blue eyes, pink lips.
“I have hidden the liquor because Mr. Hodgins made you drink so much yesterday. Benedict also said he woke up with a hangover, so please drink wine instead tonight. I am worried for your health...”
Her silver-colored prosthetic hands hidden under her dress clanked every time she put something on the floor.
“Major?”
Gilbert opened his mouth and took a deep breath. Then, he called out loudly the name of the person he loves so that he would wake up from the bad dream.
“Violet.”
The world turned a softer color just by calling this name.
“Yes?”
She tilted her small head. Gilbert hugged her at the door. He did not ask for permission.
Until now, he had always asked for permission, to kiss her, to hold her. But not this time. He wanted to be permitted. Violet was surprised but did not struggle.
“Major... what happened?”
“... I am having a hangover...”
“Yes, Benedict too.”
“I woke up with dreams and reality being mixed... reality mixed with lies, together with the truth... muddled up... like an abomination...”
“That is a frightening dream.”
The calm reply from his lover, who always seems to be aloof, made him feel like he could laugh what happened away.
“Yes... that is why holding you in my arms made me feel better.”
Hearing this, Violet timidly wrapped her arms around Gilbert’s back and hugged him back.
“... Thank you...”
“Don’t worry, I understand because I sometimes have dreams too.”
“You too?”
“Yes. I usually don’t dream, but sometimes, I have a specific dream. A dream where I keep searching for you.”
“Was it a younger you?”
“Maybe. Maybe both. Whether it is a younger me or not, I cannot find you. It makes me think, if that is the case, it would have been better if I had died together with you back then.”
“......”
“But when I wake up, you are here. You are sleeping beside me. Yes, we are living together now. There is no need to search anymore. What a relief.”
Gilbert looked at the face of Violet who was speaking in a whisper.
“And then, I go back to sleep beside you. Everything is fine now.”
“Ah...”
At the end, the two of us are so alike, thought Gilbert.
“Day or night. Asleep or awake. I can check. That you are here.”
“Ah... yes, that is true, Violet. We are fine now.”
What they lack becomes whole when they are together. It gives them the strength to live in this mediocre and cruel world. Because they still have their lives ahead to live.
“What shall I make for breakfast?”
Violet smiled as Gilbert asked with a gentle smile.
“They took the trouble to visit us, so I hope to show our hospitality.”
“I really hope this is the one and only time they turn up unannounced.”
“It was a pleasant surprise for me.”
“I will have less time with you. We have our own schedules.”
“Mr. Hodgins likes you, Major.”
“Well, we are close friends.”
“Benedict is also worried about us.”
“He is only worried about you. He kept warning me at the wedding.”
“Mr. Hodgins said he wants to do something interesting today.”
“Just being alone with you is interesting for me.”
“Major, maybe it is time you let go of me. How about getting started on making breakfast?”
“A bit more. Let me hold you a bit more.”
“... Okay...”
There is nothing else to fear, thought Gilbert. Whether it was living or dying.
There is nothing else to fear, because I have you, my most beloved.
--- End ---
After note: This post does not really do justice to the booklet, which was printed on pages of different color (black text on white pages, or white text on black pages) which reflect the mood of the setting. Set after Gilbert's and Violet's wedding, it is the final story in the Violet Evergarden series and I really hope you enjoyed the series and this story as much as I did.
The next short story (stories) by author Akatsuki Kana on a day in the life of Violet and Gilbert can be found here:
The Starry Night and the Lonely Two (unofficial translation of 星降りの夜とさみしいふたり)
My overall thoughts on Violet Evergarden The Movie.
Events:
Translations of short stories:
Gilbert Bougainvillea and the Fleeting Dream (unofficial translation of "ギルベルト・ブーゲンビリアと儚い夢")
Violet Evergarden short stories: "Logbook entry" and "Diary entry" (unofficial translation)
The Starry Night and the Lonely Two (unofficial translation of 星降りの夜とさみしいふたり)
Diethard Bougainvillea's If (unofficial translation of ディートフリート・ブーゲンビリアIf) The Tailor and the Auto-Memories Doll (unofficial translation of 仕立て屋と自動手記人形)
Tellsis (Nunkish) translation:
Last line of Violet's final letter to GilbertInsights on the movie:
Audio commentary notes:
