Remaining distant at work

I had always tried to maintain a working relationship with colleagues that keeps a certain distance in terms of private life. While I do join my colleagues in after-work interactions like dinner and stuff, I have always tried to keep that to a minimum, and separate as much of my private self as my working self.

Obviously, this means I have very few real friends at work. I have friendly working relationships, but only a few of my colleagues become my friends.

It stems from a deeper belief about the military and how it works. At the end of the day, as a military officer, there is a chain of command, there are orders, and one day, I may need to give an order that will put my colleagues into the line of danger. Some may get injured, some may even die. And I believed that I don't want my friendships to cloud my decisions.

So I keep them distant, to minimize the probability of ever having to order a friend into a life-and-death situation.

Today, this has become a habit, and thus, even when no longer in uniform, I keep my working life separate from my private life. This is not easy because humans are social people, and people prefer to work with those whom they are familiar with. Not knowing much about my private life means those who work with me tend to feel a certain distance. Work is still work, but it is a bit... uneasy to work with someone whom you do not know much about outside of work.

The deeper debate is whether close private relationships can enhance military work performance. I believe the ancient Greeks actually have male lovers serve alongside each other believing that their close ties spur them to fight better for each other. That could be true, and in modern terms, friendships within people in the same unit may help improve performance and unit cohesion. But still... it has become a habit of mine.

And so, I remain the efficient worker whom no one really knows much about outside of work.