Suki and the Japanese mentality

Suki (好き) in Japanese means to like, to prefer. At least, that is the most direct way to translate it into English. 'Like' as in to like to read, to like a color, to like an animal, or to like a person.

But at the same time, suki implies romantic interest too. Suki can be used to say you simply like someone for his or her personality, style, mannerism, or it can be used to imply an infatuation. And it is this broad range of meaning that makes it wonderfully Japanese.

We may have heard that the Japanese dislike conflict. They seek harmony, and I think suki is a very good example of this dislike of conflict. Imagine telling someone, "I love you, I am infatuate with you" only to have him or her reply, "Sorry, I only see you as a friend." The use of suki here allows the person saying it some leeway for retreat. The person hearing it also has room to maneuver without putting the person saying into an embarrassing position. "I like you (as in, I am implying I am infatuate with you)." If the feeling is not reciprocal, the other person can reply along the lines of, "You are a great friend too." As there was no outright confession of love, there was therefore no outright rejection too. But both sides know exactly what it means--"sorry, I don't feel the same way."

It is this vagueness, this implied meaning, that is the beauty of the Japanese people and the Japanese language. And also... the bane of non-Japanese who are trying to figure out why the Japanese people do not mean what they say. They mean exactly what they say; it is just that those who do not have enough knowledge of the implied meaning are not able to fully comprehend the full range of what is said (and what is not).

So before you scratch your head and think, why is my Japanese friend saying one thing but doing something else, it may not be that he is not being truthful with you. It could well be that you did not catch the implied meaning of his words.

And if a Japanese friend says he likes you... be sure you know what message you are sending before saying you like him too!